The Cackling Hen

                         Grief  part 1

                         

Stephen Dodrill

Come October 31st my oldest son, Stephen, will be gone for four years.  There are hard things you do in life that when looked back on the pain is forgotten.  You remember it being hard, but the pain is gone.  I as remember each of my three births I know there was pain, but really can't recall any of it.  Which is the way God designed it or we'd stop having children after one birth.  However, the loss of my son is a pain deep in my soul that has not gone away after four years.

I am comforted by the fact that my son made a confession of faith a year before the accident.  I am comforted when Stephen's friends have told me conversations he had with them telling them that life would not make sense without God.  There are other stories of how Stephen would "rescue" them when they had a flat tire or needed a ride home after a party when they had been drinking too much.

I am comforted by the Bible when it tells me.....

1 Thessalonians 4:13 – Brothers we don’t want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep: or to grieve like the rest of men who have no hope.

2 Corinthians1:3-4 – What a wonderful God we have-He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the source of every mercy, and the one who so wonderfully comforts and strengthens us in our hardships and trials.

Psalm 34:18 – The LORD is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. New Living Translation

However, the pain is still there.  It's like a cut that aches and won't stop or go away.  I've learned to live with the pain.  Yet there are times when I can see that whole day in my mind like I am watching from a spectator's view.  Some times I watch the replay because I can't stop it.  There are other times when I can choose not to replay it.  I used to sob when the replay would start like the day he died - to the point I would have to pull over if I was driving so as not to have an accident.  I don't cry hardly at all now about Stephen being gone and when I do it's just a few tears that spill over.

What  has God been teaching me these last four years?  That life is hard but God is good.  That Jesus weeps when I weep.  That God keeps my tears,

Psalm 56:8 

New Living Translation (NLT)

⁸ You keep track of all my sorrows.^[a]
    You have collected all my tears in your bottle.

    You have recorded each one in your book.
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I have become more gracious as I realize life is short and most stuff doesn't matter. I am God's child and that I don't have to do anything, beyond asking Him in my heart, to earn His love and favor.  Anymore that my kids have to earn my love and favor.....I just love them because they're mine.

I have begun reading the Bible daily.  It's been hard for me to figure out what to read over the years and so my devotions had been far and few between.  My husband, David, has been reading the Bible in a year for the last three years. Last year I found a small Bible in a year booklet, at a church where we were listening to a speaker, that I have been using.  I have been surprised that I've been keeping up with my readings most months.  I am learning a lot about God, His goodness towards me, and my faith is growing.

Hosea 13:14 -- I will ransom them from the power of the grave; I will redeem them from death. Where, O death, are your plagues?  Where, O grave, is your destruction?